A Life of Eternal Cathood

So I'm not sure if it's just me, but I've noticed a rise in panic among teens, ages 12-18, where if they go even ONE second without having a significant other, they feel like they are doomed to a life of eternal cathood.

Oh dear, you're 18 and you're NOT MARRIED YET?!

THIS IS NOT TRUE. Guys, really. 

No really. 

It's not true. You will be O-KAY if you don't have someone to tell you "love" them every moment of every day. 

In fact, you'll be better off. 

Arguments:

1. no one likes dating someone that's already dated everyone else in school.

2. independence is actually a GOOD thing. develop some.

3. there are 6 billion people in the world, just because the ONE person you like doesn't like you, doesn't mean you're going to be alone forever.

4. when you DO become an adult, you're going to have developed a needy personality. People don't like that.

5. people actually hate that. 

So please, for the love of humanity (and for the sake of it), stoooooooooooopppppppppp. 

I'm not even sure where you're getting these ideas from. The only people in movies I've seen married at a young age are Disney princesses. This rule does not apply to them BECAUSE THEY'RE ANIMATED. 

In pretty much every other movie I've ever seen, the people that are getting married or whatever are all in their late 20's/early 30's. 

NO: that's not "old."
YES: this is perfectly acceptable, and statistically speaking, they have a better chance of staying together.

Not saying it's bad to marry at 18. If you've found the love of your life then go for it. All the best to you. 

But don't marry because you feel doomed for whatever reason. 

And stay away from the cats. 

Introvert Problems

Okay. So I've been holed up in my house since Sunday night with no outside contact trying to get a few things accomplished.

ONE: read the gagillion chapters of boring-as-heck homework and write papers and take quizzes.
TWO: finish editing my book.

Neither of these things help my social skills in the slightest.

So tonight, when someone spoke directly to me, I nearly had a panic attack. My brain enacted this ridiculously long scenario in a process similar to that of an ancient computer.

The question was probably the easiest thing on planet earth to figure out, but without human contact for three days, it gets a bit difficult.

person: "How is work?"
my brain: "real human speaking! respond! does not compute! fatal error!"
what came out: "................................................................................great!"
person: "Do you work?"
me: "no."

brain: "I am useless for anything but premeditated responses. I am shamed."

The Pizza Came From WHERE?

So my grandma brings me a box of pizza and my initial reaction, like any reasonable human being, was, "Where did you get this boxed glory?"

Then she ruins the whole moment by responding, "there was a boy selling them on the side of the road!" Read that with this amount of happy faces in mind: :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D



And of course the next question was "...................wut?"
And maybe something like, "you bought a pizza. from a boy you don't know. off the side of the road?"

To which she replies, "Yeah! He was just sitting there with boxes of pizzas and so I rolled down my window and bought one!"
Again with about this many happy faces :D :D :D :D :D :D :D



But then she explained that they were leftovers from the bowling alley's pizza place. So this seems reasonably less crazy and dangerous.

And I checked it out and the story is legit. They really do have someone sell it in town. And apparently selling it on street corners is far more effective than you'd think.
And it tastes pretty dang good so,

Haircuts & Safety Scissors

Hello bloggies.
How are you this fine evening?

I gave myself bangs today! And I did it with safety scissors.
Call me crazy, (I pretty much am) but it actually turned out rather nice.
and you totally can't tell I did it myself.

Here's what it looks like:


And then I went to town and I was afraid that they looked horrible.
But I saw this guy there as I was walking into a store...
he stopped and waited for me to cross the parking lot so he could hold the door open for me.

Which totally makes him a gentleman.
Bonus points for you, mysterious gentleman man.
What a swell guy.

Meaning my hair couldn't have looked too bad.
Otherwise he probably would have done this:


So I don't suppose it looks horrible.

I don't know, what do you think?

**Warning: do not try this at home, kids.
Seriously though, it's probably not a good idea.
It's highly inadvisable.

random quiz

A. Age: Old enough to be your mother if you were 8 or younger.

B. Bed size: Queen, cause there's no such thing as a princess size. I went with the next best option.

C. Chore that you hate: Washing dishes. I don't know why, because when I'm doing them I don't mind... it's the thought of needing to do them that gets me.

D. Dogs: We had a Jack Russell named Zada. <-Don't ask, didn't name her. But she died a couple months ago. :(

E. Essential start to your day: Facebook. Yeah, I'm an addict.

F. Favorite Color: Blue and yellow.

G. Gold or Silver? Silver. I can't stand gold.

H. Height: Honestly, I have no idea. Every doctor I go to tells me I'm a different height. All I can say for sure is that I'm somewhere between 5'3 and 5'6.

I. Instruments you play: Over the course of my life I have played the trumpet, flute, guitar, piano, saxophone, clarinet, drums.... and probably many others. I really only stuck with the trumpet and piano though.

J. Job title: Student.

K. Kids: I have none currently.

L. Live: Yes. I do live. It's a good alternative.

M. Mother's name: Diane.

N. Nicknames: Well, it used to be Cinderella... but people shortened it to Cindy over time.

O. Overnight hospital stays: Never. I mean, unless you count when I was born.

P. Pet peeves: Fingernails on a chalkboard.

Q. Quote from a movie: There are far too many, but here's a few. I love that part in 27 Dresses where the girl finds out mr. cynic is her favorite wedding columnist and she goes, "I feel like I just found out my favorite love song was written about a sandwich." Or the part in Pride and Prejudice where Darcy tells Elizabeth that he loves her, "Most ardently."  Or even the part in Amazing Grace where William Wilberforce is trying to abolish slavery and says, "Having heard all of this you may choose to look the other way but you can never again say that you did not know."

R. Right or left handed: both.

S. Siblings: I have several. My brother who is 17 and my sister who is 15. I grew up with them, then a couple years ago I found out that I have more siblings that are technically my siblings even though I never knew them. Out of those I have a brother 23, a sister 24, a sister 22, and a brother 20.

T. Time you wake up: depends.

U. Underwear: Yes. I love underwear, never leave home without them.

V. Vegetable you hate: Uh, lima beans.

W. What makes you run late: Not much. Traffic perhaps.

X. X-rays you've had: Just my teeth.

Y. Yummy food that you make: Cheesecake... and that's about the extent of my cooking skills.

Z. Zoo animal: oh goodness, I love zoos. I like monkeys and elephants and lions and penguins and..... all of them. Basically.

Commas are Friends, and they Sometimes Save People from Being Given Away in Radio Contests.

Grammar Lessons from Radio Stations, episode one:

The other day, a local radio station sent out an e-mail advertising their Christmas contest. They said, and I quote, "fill this out and you could win Deena!"

. . . I'm fairly certain I didn't sign up to be a contest prize, so they should really add a comma to that to avoid any further confusion.


Incorrect: "you could win Deena!"
You can't sell/give away people without their permission. Even with their permission it's generally frowned upon in society.

Correct: "you could win, Deena!"
yay! I can win prizes because my name is Deena and clearly they are talking to me!


Now that we all understand the importance of grammar, let's move on.

So really I actually wanted to ask if any of you have ever noticed little kids geeking out about Santa and how he's going to come and leave presents for them but when they see him in the mall they run in screaming terror.

At the mall, Santa was there and all the little kids wanted to go sit on his lap.
That's probably not entirely true...
by the sounds of it, it was more like the parents had dragged their poor, Santaphobic children to the mall for pictures.

These children were horrified. And I don't even know why. Santa looked quite jolly and red enough. What is so scary about a fat, happy man that gives you free presents? Two words for you, children, FREE. PRESENTS.

Apparently something about him is scary though, because this one little boy was screaming so loud, I actually felt bad for him. Before I had time to feel too bad though, the kid up and took off across the mall like Santa was going to murder him.

I'm not even kidding, this kid ran. He booked it like the gingerbread man.

Why are kids afraid of Santa? Someone explain this to me, I would google it, but I got some inappropriate ones the other day so I'm currently afraid of google results.

anyways, goodbye.

Creatively Constipated

I've written a few posts on writer's block so far, but this one is different.

Why? I don't know, don't ask dumb questions.

Now, writer's block. You have it, we all get it, it's nothing to be ashamed about.

There's probably an app for that.
But we'll do this the old fashioned way.


Tip #1: Research. 
You gotta know your stuff. Luck is great, but it's a terrifying thing to rely on. And there's no way you have all the research you need at this point in the writing process unless you happen to be the nerdiest kid on the face of this planet.
You can always learn more. Always. I have so much writer's block time that I literally know everything about the city my book takes place in.
I mean, holy goodness, I know the crime rates, elevation, cost of living, estimated income, how much carbon monoxide is in the air there, how many walmarts there are... etc.
It's highly likely that this information will never in my life come in handy, but at the same time, I know my world. I probably know it better than 90% of it's residents. This way, my book will have no room for inconsistencies.
Also, you still feel productive while not being able to actually write.


Tip #2: do NOT edit. 

I hear people all the time say that they go back and edit while they suffer writer's block. And I'm like, 

All joking aside, 9 times out of 10 editing while writing is a horrid idea. One, you get confused, two... I don't actually know what two is, but there are definitely more reasons. 

I say 9 out of 10 because I actually know a published author that edited while they wrote. So, it's possible, yes. But they'd been writing for years before this particular instance. If you haven't proven it to be effective for you, I wouldn't even try it.
Say no to drugs and editing while writing. 

Tip #3: Outline. 

Don't roll your eyes at me. I'm serious. I know half the people that write don't use and outline. But think for a moment, you've already written at least something so far. So stop and outline what you've written. Usually, this will jog your memory about what needs to come next. 

Tip #4: Interview your characters. 

Grab some questions off the internet. You can google dating questionnaires like e-harmony's or whatever. Grab about ten questions that are relevant to your character and then write out answers as though your character were answering them. It doesn't sound very effective, but really, it's fantastic. Like, cake and ice cream fantastic. You learn so much about your characters this way. Actually, I'd recommend this even if you don't have writer's block. 

Tip #5: Tell someone what you're trying to say. 

Grab an unsuspecting victi- I mean friend, and tell them about your story. Not only are you getting the words out, but you'll be surprised with how many new ones you come up with. 

If you can't find a person, talk to a cardboard cutout. Or a stuffed animal. Or a chair. Whatever floats your boat. Just make sure you're saying it out loud. 

(Also make sure you're alone, because talking to inanimate objects is a sure way to make people worry about you.)

Tip #6: Unplug your internet. 

What is this madness? Unplug my internet? You cannot be serious! 

I am. 

Facebook and Tumblr are not helping you. Make sure you don't have any internet distractions. Almost 90% of writer's problems comes from being on the internet while writing. 

Just kidding, I made that statistic up. But I dare you to tell me you don't have a problem writing when you're simultaneously stalking facebook photos and trying to overcome your writer's block. 

Tip #7: Write complete and utter crap.

Yep. Go all out. Write the stupidest thing you can possibly think for five minutes. Write a love story between a hippo and a unicorn. Write a story about a mermaid that can't swim. Write something, anything, for five minutes.

Tip #8: Just do it. 

Can't think of a sentence? make a note, all caps, bolded, highlighted, whatever you need to catch your attention later, and then move on. Fill it in later. You don't have to have everything perfect just yet. When the time comes for you to make everything perfect, that's when you have an agent telling you what to clean up.