For Lack of a Better Title...

Well, hello there.

Long time no see. I know, I know. It's my fault.
I am shamed.

So what's new?
Er, well, a couple things.


ONE: I finally finished editing a draft.

This is big news because usually I write the draft, get bored with it, have 39482304832 other ideas for a new book anyways, and start on the next book draft and never get back to editing the others.
I've officially sent it off to my editor. You remember Friend, right? She's my editor. <- (not a real one. but actually she's just as smart as one.)

TWO: I finally got into Pottermore.

As you can obviously see, I was placed in Ravenclaw.
Which is not surprising really. I couldn't have been placed in any of the other houses.
I'm lazy = no Hufflepuff
I'm a big fat chicken = no Gryffindor
I'm not cunning = no Slytherin 

THREE: I am now the proud owner of seasons 1-5 of the original Saved by the Bell series.

Anyone who doesn't remember watching Saved by the Bell every Saturday morning was born in the wrong decade. Seriously.
Zack >>>>> Zac
I could never throw enough 'greater than' signs in there.

Speaking of the 90's, who remembers Bookits? That PizzaHut thing they did to make kids want to read?


FOUR: Found my bookit pin.

You'd read books and fill out some paper thing and take it to PizzaHut for a free Personal Pan Pizza. That was seriously the cherry on top of the ice cream cone of being a 90's kid. (a REAL 90's kid... not the ones born in 1999 that think they're 90's kids. No offense to you non-90's.)

I don't know why they ever stopped doing that.
Besides the fact that kids would lie about how many books they read and got a free pizza for it.
Way to provide incentive for a lying society, PizzaHut.

^ That's a joke, I love you, PizzaHut.

So anyways. While I have your attention, I'd just like to take this opportunity to point out that Principal Belding has a Kung-Fu certificate on his wall:


I feel like I've lost a majority of my readers with all this nostalgia so goodbye for now.
I'll find something constructive to blog about soon.

Hello, September.

What’s the closest thing to you that’s red?

a cup.

Favorite movie ever?

Treasure Planet.

What are you listening to right now?

The Goo Goo Dolls.

Have you ever been in a castle?

Yes.

Do you own something from Hot Topic?

Yes.

Ever been on a train?

Yes.

If you could go back in time, which time period would you visit?

The 50's.

What’s your favorite book?

The Outsiders.

What countries have you been to?

USA, Canada, Iceland, Germany, Turkey, Ireland.

Is anyone in your family in the military?

My dad was, my uncle, my brother, probably more.

Do you know triplets?

I do, actually.

What’s the name of your favorite restaurant?

Olive Garden.

Have you ever been to Olive Garden?

lol.

Who is your favorite Disney Princess?

Cinderella and Belle.

What is your favorite show on television right now?

Doctor Who. 

Proofreading & Spelling Tips

We all know proofreading is mandatory, but sometimes it's hard when you're reading and you get caught up in the story and totally forget to check spelling or other errors.
Well, here are a few tips to help you solve that problem.

1. Read backwards. When you do this, you won't be worried about the meaning behind the sentences or getting caught up in the story, you'll just read for errors.

2. Zoom in. If you're on your computer, zoom in to 125 - 150 percent so that you're forced to read a little bit at a time rather than skimming through.

3. Read forwards. Once you've read through backwards and fixed all the spelling errors, go ahead and read forwards using the zoom in tip. This way you catch missed words, double typed words, or sound alikes.

Now on to spelling. I hate spelling. Can't do it to save my life.
I always lost the spelling bee in the first round.
"Spell house"
"H-O-U-S. HOUSE!"
"you are a disgrace to all 10th graders, go sit down."

Okay, so I'm exaggerating. (when don't I?) The point still remains, I'm a terrible speller. One of the biggest issues I struggle with is the i before e rule.
"I before E except after C or when sounding like "ay" as in neighbor or weigh."

We were all taught this is school, yes?
I always remembered "I before E except before C" and that's when my ears stopped hearing what the teacher was saying. So really, I've always spelled everything ie unless it was followed by a c....which was pretty much NEVER.

IE words:
believe, field, relief, chief, niece, yield

EI words: (note, the c comes BEFORE the ei, not after as my brain has convinced me from a very early age.)
ceiling, deceive, receive

ok, ok, you get it.

And yet, there are EXCEPTIONS. Who's cruel idea was this rule?
Now not only do you have to be able to figure out which letter goes where (I let spell check do that for me) but now you also have to learn the exceptions too.

ex:
weird, either, leisure, height, sheik, seize. etc.

well, now my brain feels as though it's been attempting math, (never a good outcome) so I'll leave you with these rules and get on with my day.
Ciao,

Overcoming Writer's Block

You have writer's block.
Welcome to the club, we have t-shirts.

Actually, we don't.
Someone make t-shirts for us.

I'm serious, I want a t-shirt.

But anyways, you're stuck. And for some reason you're reading my blog.
So I'm going to help you out.
Because that's what I do for people I like.

THE SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS IS HERE:http://writtenkitten.net/
Go to it. It's not even really an option.
thisisthecoolestsiteyouwillevervisit.
Except for my blog, probably.

Basically it shows you a new picture of an adorable little kitten every 100 words you write.
What better incentive is there?

PSH, none.

Moving on.

So it was requested by a very dear person that I blog about Korean-American dramas or writing soap operas and suspense and screen-writing.
I am no expert in any of these categories so this is going to be an entirely un-educated guess.

Since I have actually never seen a Korean-American drama, I'm going to try my best to convey what I got out of the only soap opera I've ever watched in my life.
It happened about 16 years ago, so bear with my horrible memory.

The Anatomy of an American Soap Opera:

Girl babbles to friend incoherently at the speed of light for twelve minutes about the boy that said friend is secretly dating behind first girl's back.
THEN,



and you can expect the same plot in next week's episode.

The one I saw was actually much more traumatic and violent.
I remember the girl found out the friend was dating the recipient of her unrequited love and so she picked up a fire poker and stabbed her in the back.

Voila, backstabbing in its most literal form.

After that I decided soap operas must be horridly stupid and never watched them again.

ANYWAYS.
I've had a couple people hounding me to take my blog to Tumblr instead.
Well, the truth is, I actually have a Tumblr account already. And I see hundreds of cute/cool pictures and I'm like:

MUST REBLOGG!!!!!

So really a Tumblr blog wouldn't be the best thing for me.
But here's my tumblr account anyways: http://deenashoemaker.tumblr.com/
It has the same URL as my blog pretty much.
Imagine that.

Stay beautiful,

Why Writers Avoid Normal People

We writers like to refer to non-writers as "normal people."
Of course, the reason we do is not as simple as you'd like to think.

Example:

Normal person's browser history:
Facebook
youtube
google mail

Writer's browser history:
details on how you skin someone alive
can you blow up a car by pouring lighter fluid in the tailpipe
how to remove a silver bullet at home using everyday items
if you wanted to kill someone quickly with a machete, where would you hit them

needless to say, if you're one of those Normal People reading this, you're probably frantically trying to close this window and block me from facebook, or currently on the phone with the police.




In fact, I was just having a conversation with Friend about this subject.

Friend: Ok, so I need to know how to kill this girl. It's got to be slow and painful.
Me: You see? This is why we don't talk to Normal People.

Case in point: Normal People just don't understand us.

When a Normal Person hears a conversation between me and Friend, they call the cops. 

When a writer hears a conversation between me and Friend, it's more like "so what's your novel about?"
We writers don't assume everyone that knows how to conduct a heist in detail is a bank robber.
Normal People, well, they do.

And it's a good thing! The world needs Normal People who catch bad guys and stuff.
Normal People protect the planet, writers entertain normal people with novels.
It's a win-win situation.
Until you mix the two...

Here's another example in case my previous one didn't convince you:

Normal Person: "That awkward moment when you overdressed for a party."
Friend, the Writer: "That awkward moment where you realize your intended drug-overdose victim is actually dying of some sort of demonic possession."

Now, don't get me wrong, there are tons of normal writers. 

OK, so maybe not. 

Even if you write a book about girls and makeup and high school you're still going to have strange things in your browser history. 

A guide on how to spot the difference: 

Normal People look like this:




Writers look like this:




Face it: we scare Normal People.

and that, my friend, is why we avoid them.

This post has been brought to you by the letter "N"
And by Friend, who is most definitely not normal.

Valentines and Ninja Turtles

Hello.
It's Valentine's day!
woo-hoo.

I've been seeing lots of hate for this holiday.
Why? The poor thing never did anything to you.

As Friend said, (and I summarize) "hating Valentine's day because you're single is like hating President's day because you're not the president, or hating groundhog's day because you're not a groundhog."

It makes no sense.
You don't have to be in love to be loved.
For example, I shall love you.
Here, be my valentine.

These are specially for you.

There are times I wish I were still in elementary school. Finding the most amazing valentine cards TO EVER EXIST EVER is definitely one of those times.


So I have nothing constructive for you today but I'm going to try to get another guest blogger soon.
What do you want to know? I'll find an expert for you. An EXPERT, I tell you.


Storytime!
I have the worst luck buying socks.
And we all know how much I love socks.

So I buy these socks, right?
And I take them home and open the package and put one on and,


This sock is the same width around the top as it is around the calf as it is around the ankle.
Conclusion: elephants. made. my socks.

AND THE FEET.
The feet were made for a duck. There is no other logical explanation.
The heel starts out the same width as the ankle/calf/top and just gets wider from there.

I have never seen a human being’s leg look anything like this sock.

Anatomy of my new socks:

I'm a lot of things, but world's best artist is not one of them, so you kind of have to use your imagination.
Actually not, that is the most accurate picture to ever exist.
homg, those socks.


Oh, look. I painted my fingernails to look like Ninja Turtles.

 

They look horrible, but that's OK cause it's still probably the coolest thing I've ever done.
Okay, that's officially all I have to say today.

Until whenever,