Why Writers Avoid Normal People

We writers like to refer to non-writers as "normal people."
Of course, the reason we do is not as simple as you'd like to think.

Example:

Normal person's browser history:
Facebook
youtube
google mail

Writer's browser history:
details on how you skin someone alive
can you blow up a car by pouring lighter fluid in the tailpipe
how to remove a silver bullet at home using everyday items
if you wanted to kill someone quickly with a machete, where would you hit them

needless to say, if you're one of those Normal People reading this, you're probably frantically trying to close this window and block me from facebook, or currently on the phone with the police.




In fact, I was just having a conversation with Friend about this subject.

Friend: Ok, so I need to know how to kill this girl. It's got to be slow and painful.
Me: You see? This is why we don't talk to Normal People.

Case in point: Normal People just don't understand us.

When a Normal Person hears a conversation between me and Friend, they call the cops. 

When a writer hears a conversation between me and Friend, it's more like "so what's your novel about?"
We writers don't assume everyone that knows how to conduct a heist in detail is a bank robber.
Normal People, well, they do.

And it's a good thing! The world needs Normal People who catch bad guys and stuff.
Normal People protect the planet, writers entertain normal people with novels.
It's a win-win situation.
Until you mix the two...

Here's another example in case my previous one didn't convince you:

Normal Person: "That awkward moment when you overdressed for a party."
Friend, the Writer: "That awkward moment where you realize your intended drug-overdose victim is actually dying of some sort of demonic possession."

Now, don't get me wrong, there are tons of normal writers. 

OK, so maybe not. 

Even if you write a book about girls and makeup and high school you're still going to have strange things in your browser history. 

A guide on how to spot the difference: 

Normal People look like this:




Writers look like this:




Face it: we scare Normal People.

and that, my friend, is why we avoid them.

This post has been brought to you by the letter "N"
And by Friend, who is most definitely not normal.